The Manly Attitude

I admit that I do not know everything when it comes to marriage and giving advice. I can only tell what I experience and what God shows and teaches me along the way. Having said that, one thing that my wife and I have struggled with is our responses to each other. If I say something, she may hear and understand it differently and vice versa. This seems to be an issue that is prevalent in most, if not all, marriages because men and women communicate differently.

So, with that understanding, I believe there is a more subtle means of communication that takes place along with our words. I have noticed how much my attitude can influence my wife. Sometimes, I find myself being selfish and interested in no one but myself. It’s not that I intentionally act this way, but it happens. And by having this type of behavior, she is subtly influenced to do the same. Then I wonder why she is acting that way when, all the while, her influence is me! Biblically speaking, an example is found in Genesis 3. Here we see God calling Adam and Eve out on their sin. When confronted with the sin, Adam automatically blames Eve, who then blames the serpent for the sin. Upon studying the passage, one can see that God is ultimately blamed.

Can you see how man’s attitude and behavior influenced the woman’s? Adam failed to lead Eve in a godly way. Instead of taking responsibility for the sin, he pushed it on Eve. Being the head of the home, the husband is directly responsible for how he leads the home through his actions and attitudes. We must be careful.

As men, how do we fight against such an issue? We are to discipline ourselves to have the attitude of Christ and we are to discipline ourselves for the purpose of godliness as seen in 1 Timothy 4:7. If we cultivate godly attitudes, then our homes will be saturated with godliness. For this to occur, we must immerse ourselves in the Word of God daily. Then we must teach our families the Scriptures. Yes, we must also teach our wives. Our wives are always looking to learn from us and the way that happens is by spending time in the Word, which overflows into the whole home. Gut level with you, this is something that I struggle to do, but it is extremely essential to a godly marriage.

Question for you: Are you being poured into by other godly men and the Word of God? Beyond that, are you pouring into your family and your wife and building your home on a godly foundation?

To see how Scripture applies to shaping our attitudes and our homes, we must turn to Philippians 2:1-11. Here we see the attitude of Christ, which we must implement into our lives. We must be concerned about other people and less concerned with ourselves. If the Word of God is true, and it is, why is it so hard for men to cultivate this type of attitude and behavior? The reason why men struggle with this is because of pride. In other words, we do not want to be seen as weak or lowly. This is especially true in marriage. We want our wives to see us as bold and courageous rather than wimpy or someone who is easily run over by others.

This pride that I am talking about is an issue of the heart. The solution is not behavior modification. Yes, you can change the way you act, but your heart needs to be changed. Just as Romans 12:2 says, we must “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Also, Ephesians 5:1 calls us to be imitators of Christ. There must be a change in how we think and act but it begins in the heart. And only God can change our callous hearts.

It’s a never ending battle that must be fought by every man that desires to have a godly home. I say that it “must” be fought for because we will be held responsible by God for how we lead our homes and how we lead our wives. I want my wife to see my transparently. I want her to see Jesus in me and the way this happens is by having a growing relationship with Christ and then desiring to have the attitude of Christ as we have seen in Philippians 2. Let this be an everyday challenge to you to lead your wife to Christ. Be intentional and always lead her to the cross. Like you and I, she needs to be reminded of the Gospel every day. Show her what the Gospel looks like lived out.

Do not have the typical manly attitude in the home. It is prideful and defames God and prevents His glory from being seen in the home. Rather, have the mind and attitude of Christ. Imitate Him and be transformed by the renewing of your mind in Christ.

Suggested Reading:

• Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood - Grudem and Rainey
  
• The Exemplary Husband - Stuart Scott
• Manly Dominion - Mark Chanski
  

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