Truth Couch

Key Verse: Matthew 18:21-22

Okay, here’s the deal. Since getting married, my wife and I have not gotten into a fight. With that out on the table, I get a little aggravated with people who say, “Oh, you just wait, you’ll have a fight.” Why do people say this? I believe it’s because people settle with the mentality of expecting a fight to come along any day. If you are waiting for and expecting a fight to start between you and your spouse “some day,” then you have just opened the door to allow even the smallest quirk to become “the largest problem known in the existence of man.” How dare us! With this pattern of thought, you have just “told the devil where your goat is tied” (that’s a South Georgia expression). Why not seek to be at peace?

Why settle for this mentality? Because we are lazy! Marriage takes work. We cannot put marriage on autopilot and expect it to get better. Marriage is absolutely amazing, but being that it is a sacred unity between husband and wife before God, it cannot and must not be handled this way. Men, we must lead our wives according to the Word of God, which calls us to forgive. If you are able to forgive but she is struggling to forgive you, then let the Holy Spirit work on her heart. Do not try to make her forgive or force her into a false forgiveness that only band-aides the real issue: pride. Obviously, pride is the main issue because in an argument, we want to be the one who is always right, right?

What is false forgiveness? Let me explain. I use this term because people do not like confrontation. Rather, we say, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it” when in fact, whatever the issue, we are just masking the problem. This is one thing that I have had to learn since being married. You cannot pretend that everything is okay and just move on. Issues must be addressed! How do you know if you have ever offered false forgiveness? Well, the next time you are wronged and you bring up something of the past that the other person has done, there you go! You never forgave them in the first place! Ultimately, it is an issue of the heart. From our mouths we speak, but do not speak the truth (see Luke 6:45). Pride is prevalent on both sides of the marriage bed and can come about in the blink of an eye and develop into a cancer of the heart. The husband’s pride and the wife’s pride must be torn down. The way to do this is something I will discuss shortly.

Before that, we, as men, need to see that we must forgive on the spot (the same is true for women). There is no other option when the spotlight has been placed on you and your wife even in private. Yes, my wife and I have disagreements but we have learned to ask for forgiveness as soon as possible. Before emotions go crazy and words start flying, the heart must be addressed. I believe this is the correct and biblical foundation on which to build a healthy and stable marriage. Address the heart of the problem, not just the symptoms.

When we got married, we were looking for a couch for our main room. Being in an apartment, we could not fit anything massive and did not want anything that was extremely small. So, we landed a good deal on a pull-out couch from a co-worker of mine. Of all the colors, this couch happens to be pale pink, but hey, it somehow looks nice with all the other colors in the apartment. What’s so special about this couch? Well, it has become our “truth couch.” Most times, whenever we have a disagreement, one of us leads the other to the couch and we talk it out. Instead of standing and getting tensed up during a disagreement, we are able to sit down and relax and talk. Every talk has been encouraging and it draws us closer to each other. Remember that the key is living out the command from Jesus to forgive others and live at peace with everyone. Know the truth, live the truth. You must be living out the Gospel.

Husband, what about you? You are able to forgive, but are you willing to when your wife wrongs you? I encourage you to have a place where you and your wife can relax and talk about the issue. You will find it to be beneficial to do so, but realize that that you will always struggle with your selfishness that does not want to forgive. Because of this, we must desire to forgive because God has forgiven us. If you have not placed your trust and life in Christ, then you will not understand true forgiveness. Understanding of true forgiveness comes when you see that you have greatly offended God, but He has greatly forgiven you. I once heard, “If you are not willing to forgive, then you are saying that God’s forgiveness is meaningless.”

How true.

Remember, this is an issue of the heart. Once you start with that understanding, you are on your way to a successful, meaningful and healthy talk with your wife. Be prepared for a blessed marriage!


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